I recently came across an article in
RELEVANT Magazine written by
Pete Wilson entitled
"Plan B." I later discovered that Wilson's book
Plan B is now available for purchase. I could not have come across this article at a better time. I have been questioning God the last few weeks about my purpose. I'll admit, a lot of my doubts and insecurities have stemmed from comparing my life to others. I don't know about you, but I get a little jealous of those people (especially friends) who feel it necessary to use their Twitter and Facebook accounts as a mega phone declaring how awesome their life is. I mean that's great that you get to travel the world, eat lunch with (Christian) famous people, and attend playoff basketball games; all while writing your third best-selling book (I am over exaggerating a little of course).
Honestly, I'm not mad at those people. I have come to discover that it's me who I was frustrated with. As a child, I dreamed of traveling the world, having a meal with a (iconic) role model, and sitting in the front row of every Phoenix Suns playoff game. Or, at least feeling a little more significant and/or adventurous. I'm not going to lie...sometimes I just don't feel very important. Lately, I just feel like I've been languishing - failure to thrive and loss of hope and meaning. I know God loves me to death and that I'm the apple of His eye and everything, but I also want to be significant to others. Not that other people have to view me as important, but I want to know that what I do and who I am is important.
I'm sure just about everyone feels that way don't they?
I used to think that I could control those thoughts and longings of meaning and purpose. Like, if I wanted to have more purpose, I would just pull a string somewhere to get it.
I always thought I could just say,
Money get over here and do this for me
Job, work like this and do this for me
Relationship, change and be like this
Pete Wilson writes,
The greatest of all illusions is the illusion of control. Most of us tend to view our lives like they're marionette puppets. We think we have life by a string. There's a string that runs to our relationship and one to our finances and one to our career, and we assume we can make them all do what we want.If you would have asked me 5 years ago what I would be doing today...my plan A would have looked something like this...
Pastor at a large, vibrant, growing young church, loving my congregation and building community with them regularly
Masters Degree in Theology or Church Leadership
Traveling regularly speaking at big conferences
Meeting hip and trendy people every day at Starbucks for a latte
Having enough money to go on 2-week vacations with family anywhere in the world
Needless to say, meeting people at Starbucks once a month for lattes is the closest I have come to fulfilling my 5-year plan; and you know what, that's okay. I have come to realize that I might as well embrace and enjoy plan B instead of investing my time and energy in trying to get back to plan A.
Maybe I've spent too much time on this desire to be great.
Doesn't the Bible say that to be great we become nothing?
A desire to be great just gets us frustrated when things don't work like we always dreamed they would.
Pet Wilson, in his article, inserts a section from Henri Nouwen's book
Clowning in Rome. "Clowns are not in the center of the events. They appear between the great acts, fumble and fall, and make us smile again after the tensions created by the heroes we came to admire. The clowns don't have it together, they do not succeed in what they try to do, they are awkward, out of balance, and left handed, but...they are on our side. We respond to them not with admiration but with sympathy, not with amazement but with understanding, not with tension but with a smile."
Maybe it's okay being a clown.
Clowns are humble enough to realize they don't always have the answers, they don't always win and they don't always land on their feet.
I can just continue to learn to trust God in the midst of my plan B.
How about you? Are you living in your Plan A or your Plan B? How's it working out for you?
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